The power of silences in a coaching conversation
A professional coaching conversation requires good communication skills. Asking powerful questions, for example, is a significant part of this. However, as professional coaches – working from International Coaching Federation (ICF) standards – we understand that nonverbal communication is equally essential in the dynamic between coach and coachee.
In this article, therefore, we go beyond the spoken word – we take you into the art of silence.
In other words, “Letting the silence be”
We’ll share more with you about improving nonverbal communication skills to create a deeper connection with coachees (or employees).
Silence as a tool in a coaching conversation
Silence is more than simply not speaking; it is a powerful tool in your coaching toolkit. Combined with the right mix of coaching presence and active listening, silence creates a space for reflection, processing and building deeper understanding.
As coaches, embracing silence means being comfortable with pauses, not feeling or following the need to “jump in,” but really keeping focus on the coachee. It means giving them the time they need to express their deepest thoughts and feelings. Many people are not used to being listened to attentively. By offering that silence, you support your coachees to explore at their own pace, build self-awareness and allow insights to emerge.
Getting comfortable with silence in a coaching conversation
Many of us may not be used to silence (yet) and will need to use strategies to become comfortable with this new coaching skill. How can you practice it?
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Create conscious attention
Before beginning your coaching conversation, use your senses to ground yourself in the here and now for a moment. Feel your feet on the ground, how you sit in your chair and all your other sensory experiences. Focus on your breathing by consciously breathing calmly in and out. You can also continue to apply the latter in the conversation after you ask a question. In addition, in the conversation with your coachee, pay attention not only to their words, but also to their body language, facial expressions and the energy in the conversation.
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Build your patience
We all know the adage “Patience is a virtue.” So too in becoming more comfortable with silences. Be aware of and resist the urge to fill every pause with more words or questions. Give your coachee space to think about the question you ask instead of making yourself uncomfortable in that space and immediately asking a new question. We can well imagine that those 6 seconds of silence can feel like 6 minutes. Often it is your own discomfort or your premise that you have to come up with the answers that makes you start talking. Remember; your coachee is complete, naturally resourceful and creative! Plus, this may be your coachee’s only time in which they reflect on their own (working) life or organize their thoughts. Give them the time they need to do that and put words to it.
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Encourage reflection
Use silence as a prompt for deeper reflection. In a thoughtful pause, coachees can go deeper into their thoughts and physical experiences. This can yield beautiful insights that might not have arisen had that silence not been there
Getting started with silences in a coaching conversation
It takes time for these skills to become second nature, it requires practice – just like many other coaching skills!
Reflect on your own style as a coach or leader of nonverbal communication. How do you sit, how do you respond, and how do you actively listen? In fact, being aware of your tendencies allows you to use them more effectively.
Practice staying in the moment and build your awareness in this area. This will help you pick up on subtle nonverbal cues.
Participate in training focused on active listening. This is a skill that can always be refined. Ask for feedforward from your coachees, participate in supervision coaching, peer-to-peer coaching or a mentor. Be open to adjustments and improvements.
Silence and nonverbal communication skills in your coaching conversation help create a deeper, empathetic and more effective coaching relationship. By embracing these aspects, we as coaches or coaching leaders can facilitate an authentic space for sustainable change and development.
Visiting in silence
The video below shows beautifully how silences and nonverbal communication works. It has also been called the “artwork of Marina Abramović. The power of silence.
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