What if your coachee asks for advice?

Your coachee, in a coaching conversation with you, explores options regarding a dilemma. She asks straight out, “So, what do you think I should do?” Well, what then do you do when a coachee asks for advice?

In this article, we give you answers from different perspectives: neuroscience, coaching ethics, dual roles and accountability. Although the authors are involved in ICF’s Ethics Community of Practice, the perspectives reflect their opinions and not necessarily the official ICF position on the topic.

Advice reduces ownership

As coaches, we believe that coachees have their own answers and that the role of the coach is to create space for the coachee’s wisdom to surface. Giving advice distracts from the coachee’s autonomy.

When a coach gives advice, the coachee has less ownership of the solution. Without this ownership, there is less accountability. As research from 2009 on the relationship between financial advice and decision-making shows: while the advice is given, the brain “unloads”. The brain switches to a neutral state and the actual advice does not settle in the neocortex while the advice is being given. As a result, ownership may occur later or not at all. As coaches, we want our coachees’ brains to be fully engaged! By giving advice, we primarily engage the rational parts of the brain. However, to fully engage the coachee, the emotional and sensory parts of the brain must also be involved in the decision-making process. Without a fully engaged brain, the likelihood that the coachee will make an unethical decision increases.

Make al general comments and ask about them

As a professional, you can function as a coach, individual or expert. When you have expertise in a particular area and are asked for your opinion, you can make general comments without giving specific advice to the coachee.

For example, Dalia Nakar, PCC, a retirement planning coach, sometimes says to her coachees, “This is how I’ve seen this before,” “I’ve heard that people can … and the result was positive,” or “I know that sometimes people do it (this way) and others do it (that way).” Make sure it remains a learning experience for your coachee in which the coachee can increase awareness and take ownership. For example, you might ask, “What does this reveal to you now that you are aware of this?” or “How is this information (or perspective) useful to you?”

Navigating dual roles

As professional coaches, we must ask ourselves whether giving advice to a coachee stems from the motivation to serve in the coachee’s best interest or to satisfy our own ego.

Everyone likes to be respected for giving a valuable opinion, and nothing in the ICF Code of Conduct specifically says not to give advice to clients. However, the ICF Code of Conduct calls for checking for relationship conflicts that may arise from dual roles. It is inappropriate, confusing and even unethical to switch roles during a coaching conversation. People in dual roles should pay more attention to working together to ensure clear boundaries.

Examples of dual roles

Example: Frank

Frank works as an in-house coach and human resources manager. He has just been told that his company plans to lay off some people in a few months, and some of the layoffs involve his coachees. Is Frank wearing his coach hat or his HR hat? Should he retire as a coach? What is his company’s protocol for this conflict? Even if you – as the coach – are clear about your two roles, it can be confusing for the coachee. The role you play should always be clear to the coachee.

If your coachee asks for your recommendations, remember to thank him or her for the interest in your opinion. Explain that as a coach you are not giving advice. Help the coachee explore resources by working together in a brainstorming conversation. For example, to generate a list of possible ways forward and/or possible people who can offer what is needed. This list may include you, either as a layperson or an expert. If you agree to give your opinion as a layperson or expert, have this conversation at a different location and time than that of the coaching session. Be clear that you are responding as an individual, not in your role as a professional coach. This keeps the context of coaching pure.

Example: Sophia

Sophia, a civil servant, told her coach that she had a very important meeting that would decide the fate of her project. She knew that her coach had been a manager and had taught a course in strategic meeting management, so she asked for some strategic tips. Sophia’s coach suggested these three steps:

1. First, she would coach her on this situation.

2. A week later, in a separate meeting, she would act as a consultant and give advice. This consulting meeting would be governed by a new contract, separate from the coaching arrangement.

3. She would ask Sophia to evaluate the difference between the two meetings in terms of short-term and long-term value and effectiveness.

Sophia agreed to these steps, and she reported that the most helpful time was when she was coached. She said, “I learned how to think for myself about issues that were important to me. I learned the importance of involving others in my dilemmas. In the long run, coaching was definitely more helpful than counseling.”

Example: Marcella

Marcella, a financial planner and certified coach, coached Anne. She had focused on taking responsibility for her financial management. The conversation revolved around the feasibility of socially responsible investing. Anne asked Marcella which company was a solid choice for socially responsible investing. A few weeks later, Marcella and Anne met to exchange financial investment information. After Marcella shared her suggestions, Anne followed her investment advice and lost money. Who would Anne remember most? Marcella – the coach – who gave her the information? Or Marcella, the financial planner?

It may not be part of our job as coaches to give advice, but it is part of the misunderstanding and myth that a coach is also a consultant. When giving advice or your opinion, be sure to examine how it fits with your coachee’s values, assumptions and perspectives. Consider whether your motivation for giving advice is your need to give it or the client’s need to hear it. Make sure that if the coachee chooses to take action, intuition and the heart are also included in the considerations, not just the mind.

Consulting liability

Even if you do your best to be clear when you are not responding as a coach, the coachee’s memories and perceptions may still be clouded.

Be aware that when you respond as a professional, you assume liability. Even if a coachee thinks you gave advice – regardless of whether you did or not – he may hold you liable for any action he takes. Your job is to increase the coachee’s awareness and responsibility.

So the next time your coachee says, “What do you think I should do?” pause and reflect before answering.

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